I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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