the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
