What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
