grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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