Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
