i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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