it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
