That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
