i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
