I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
