I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So many bounce houses so little time
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize