i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
