take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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