There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
birth control should be required to get into college
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
