meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
