Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
