I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
