my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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