ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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