You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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