I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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