somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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