How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
