New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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