I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
