I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
