I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
