You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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