I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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