No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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