If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
