I wanna bring you to show and tell
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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