Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
