i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Panties = found
Randomize