So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
