My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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