hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think I am morally bankrupt
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
