someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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