Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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