you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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