hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
