the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
