this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
