I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize