Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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