Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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