Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
