yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
