Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
