Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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