We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
