the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.