apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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