just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...