No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
