i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
