why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize