is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
