Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
