you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
