Just fell off a train. Bad.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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