her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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