Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
