Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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