totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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