She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
