So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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