some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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