My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
