cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
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My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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