Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
