theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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