so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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