He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
