areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
