Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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