I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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