i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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