Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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