i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
