I can tuck mytits in my pants
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
