But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
